Tag Archives: gifs

5 Things People Assume About Bloggers

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Here’s what I need you all to straight up know, right now. 

1.  They all reckon you’re a digital dominator

I’ve baffled so many people with my
very old, broken iPhone with no storage space, complete inability to sync shit
and utter confusion when talking about “The Cloud”. I’m a blogger, not Bill
Gates people. I am completely useless when it comes to tech – I still have a
physical day-planner and don’t read books on a Kindle. I kick it old school,
but mainly because I have some serious trust issues with computers.

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 2. People think that you actually take yourself seriously

I hate telling people that I’m a blogger. It’s
the most obnoxious statement to pass my lips. Trust me, I know how hilarious it
all is, I laugh at myself on the daily. I’m just a regular human girl living a regular human girl life…

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 3.  They decide that you must be overly self-confident

Yeah so what we take a few very posey pics
for “look posts”. I can promise it wasn’t without numerous moments of
self-hate, complete censorship, manic laughter and then the unadulterated freedom to
ensure that only the best 5 out of a disastrous 5671 snaps are posted.

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4. People go to you for updates about all the coolest
new places 

Well, yes, maybe it’s my own fault because
I create this illusion that I know what’s hip-hop and happening with the young
folk. But truth be told, I’m not cool, I just happen to have very cool friends. They’re
the ones you should be asking about that sweet new bar in Umhlanga, I’ll only
find out about it 4 months later. I
mean, I’m still using Mean Girls gifs for god sakes!

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 5. Ousiders definitely think you’re superficial and have like, no
personal privacy settings

Blogging is a hobby and just a way to keep
myself writing and snapping. I totes promzies that I see beyond posing in a new
skirt or decorating my flat. (Although that stuff is pretty fvcking fun.) And
yeah, I have quite an open sharing-is-caring policy about my life but my close friends all know that when it comes to the serious stuff, I am Fort Knox baby. At least for a full week. 

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Girl With A (better) Bum

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Time for some real talk here guys. Fitness, health and a downwards spiral.

Warning: Serious content deflected with inappropriate use of low-res memes and gifs.

Who hasn’t been on a weight-loss or toning mission just once in their life? What girl doesn’t complain about their body? C’maaan, tell me something I haven’t already heard!

I have never been morbidly obsese or anything, but I do have my fair share of proportionate curves. I grew up with a very healthy and relaxed attitude towards food and ate what I wanted, when I wanted – resulting in natural portion control and good food choices. But come varsity, that dreaded First Year Spread got the better of me, and the yo-yo extremes began. It went from mild attempts to make changes, to every weird fad diet in the book and somewhere in between I got lost and disillusioned with healthy eating and exercise. Being uneducated and listening to every varsity girls’ quick fix fad, seriously sent me into a downwards spiral in my quest for thin, and I landed up on the troubling side of an eating issue. 

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I’m not shy to admit it, because I know I’m not alone. I know that a lot of gals (and guys) have dabbled with extremes and lost sight of the real purpose of getting fit and healthy. And that’s why I am sharing this post with you as I begin my fitness journey, yet again.

When I came back from India I had put on some weight and felt morbidly uncomfortable with myself. As a result, I started doing some serious research. I actively read books, talked to trainers and nutritionists and got myself to a point where I had a healthy understanding of food and fitness. Looking back at myself post India, I was tanned, healthy and glowing and should have been feeling fine as hell. This is just a reminder that the number on the scale is not an accurate reflection and that your perception of self can be so very far off from reality.

I’m proud to say that I lost that travel weight and I did it the healthy way. It was hard and consistent work but it got me this level of self acceptance and confidence – all because I did it the right way. The longer way, sure, but the way sans emotional turmoil and self loathing.

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I guess I have been hesitant to fully throw myself into exercise and healthy eating again, although I’ve got it locked down for the most part. I just never want to revert back to that place where it’s an unhealthy obsession versus a positive lifestyle change.

I can confidently say that I love my pear shaped body, embrace my bootylicious booty and don’t want anyone else’s body other than my own God-given Corpus Corporis. I just want to make it the best it can be! But instead of my previous list of superficial motivations like “fit into short-shorts, make them stare” and other “thinspiration” bullshit, this is my new list of reasons why I want to get into better shape:

1. To age like I have permanent access to The Fountain Of Youth

2. To get dat asthma under control. Let’s leave “weezy” for Lil’ Wayne

3. To be flexible as fvck

4. To live to like, a hundred and three

5. To spend more time outdoors with Mama Nature and less time indoors, with Mama Kardashian

6. To not feel guilty about that unused Virgin Active contract. I keep getting emails asking why I don’t go. It’s not you. It’s me.

The people that helped me change my mindset when it comes to this lifestyle change are:

1. Casey Ho from Blogilates

2. Kris Carr from My Crazy Sexy Diet

3. Rosie from The Londoner and her “Anti-Diet”

4. Catherine from Rabbit Food For My Bunny Teeth

Basically I am just on a mission to give my glorious temple the love and care it needs and deserves. My colleague and friend, Lauren, has teamed up with me for personal training sessions, beach walks, fewer trips to our canteen’s sweet section and plenty of yoga and happiness. We’re all about the long term sustainability here people, as well as a few glasses of red wine and slices of carrot cake.

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Not to worry, this isn’t going to turn into a fitness blog, (although last year I did start a picture blog of inspiring booties – click here for Dope Fitness). It’s just a pledge to myself and to anyone else on this journey, to do this the right way. To love myself, to care for myself and to kick some ass in between. We’re all at different levels and in different circumstances, but we’re all in this together. 

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Hit me up on jennajupiter89@gmail.com if you’re looking for walking buddies or just a moment of clarity. I am no expert by any means, just a girl up in the gym working on my fitness. You’re my witness. I’m Fergalicious.

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In spirit of the work-out queen herself, I leave you with this track to add to your gym/running/personal playlist.

Jane Fonda – Mickey Avalon

The Different Types of Valentines Day

Seeings as it’s the years most mixed-emotions event tomorrow, I thought I’d take a brief look back at the different ways that I’ve spent Valentine’s Day over the past few years.

1. The Love Sick Teen

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Such angst! Much drama!

2. The scowling “I Hate This Commercial Crap” Cynical Singleton

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WTF is Valentines Day for anyway you bunch of lame conformists?!

3. The Fake-Smiling Waitress

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Yes, I worked tables on the annual night of love and shmooze. But by now you’re just so genuinely mature and unfazed by Valentines Day that ain’t nothing gonna breaka your stride! Hello generous tips!

4. The “Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves” Independent Woman

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Girls, I looooove you. No seriously, all I need are my fwrenndzis! WOOOOOO!

5. The Roses-and-Chocolates real deal Valentines Day

Dinner for two, handmade cards, Lindt choccie – yep I conformed once and it was great.

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How I Hope to Spend This Valentines :

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Good wine, good carbs, good good lovin’.

<3 <3 <3

How Did The Hipster Burn His Tongue?

So, like, I have weird tattoos. I blog. I love vinyl. And I like to rock the odd beanie, ok!

For a while now, I’ve been pushed into the Hipster category. It used to irk me because the things that made me such an utter, hopeless outcast as a kid, now made me hip. I just don’t bloody get it – I went through years of self-hate and isolation because, at the risk of further cementing my title, I really and truly did like my record player before it was cool. Now, I apparently could only possibly like these things because they are retro-cool and hipster-chic. 

Anyhoo, being newly single, I decided to embrace it and reunite with my people. I did this by going to like, a totally rad indie-folk duo performing with their ukulele at a digs, that has it’s very own off-beat name.

I was amped hey. I got on the camo. I put on the beanie. I was ready to rock ‘n roll with the people who were going to “get me”. Play me the song of your people and let us swap war stories, my kindred spirits!

But gosh. Could I have been more of an outcast, once again.

Here are the Top 4 Most Atrocious Things I did last night:

1. I admitted to knowing someone.

So when I meet someone, I remember them. And when I see them again, I greet them. I was under the impression that was called “making friends” but boy was I wrong. It’s far too much effort to remember people, because they sure as hell won’t admit to remembering you, what with all the cool crazy shit they’ve been doing since they met you.

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2. Bobbed and swayed to the music.

I dug the music. It doesn’t take much for me to enjoy live music hey. It actually takes a lot for me to dislike something ( See: Kanye West’s New Music Video). Maybe it means I need to get more of an opinion, or, maybe it means that I am not hell-bent on succumbing to this wave of faux-fresh cynicism that is sweeping the nation. What is with the need to hate everything people? So, couple my positivity with my uncontrollable shoulder dancing and I was basically and eight-legged freak still listening to Death Cab For Cutie. Dead-pan and unenthused expressions are a MUST if you want to blend in while standing out.

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3. I admitted to not knowing something.

In my world, if someone brings up a new band or an obscure World War II East Indian Pizza Tribute Monument and I don’t know about it, I’ll admit it. In my mind this is how you learn shit, but in hipster world this is how you make a public spectacle of yourself. Get it together, Jenna!

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4. I laughed at someone’s joke.

Even worse, I tried to crack one.image

Yep, this is a generalization. I also met some cool people. I met some chill people. But for the most of it I felt very lost and very out of touch with my supposed homies.

So where the actual do I fit in? It’s not at Tiger Tiger. It’s not at a Blogger’s Convention Supporting that thing that happened in the Middle East or Africa or wherever.

For now it’s on my couch with old episodes of HIMYM and wearing last season’s non-organically made pyjamas, while blogging about Sam Lambert. Oh and having a sense of humour.

Me, a hipster? Nah, that’s too mainstream.

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